


consign me not to darkness

by writtenndust



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-14
Updated: 2012-11-14
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenndust/pseuds/writtenndust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Henry doesn't want to talk about his dream, so instead he asks Regina about Daniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	consign me not to darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 2x07 but not really.

Regina stood still at the foot of the bed, her hands clasped together in front of her as she worried the emerald ring on her finger. Henry was curled up in a ball, the spare pillow tucked tightly within his embrace as he fidgeted in his sleep. The token Rumpelstiltskin had given him was clutched in a iron grip and though his sleep was not as fitful as when David had called her the day before, his expression was still pained. 

She hoped Rumple’s magic was working, because if it wasn’t, she wasn’t sure what she was going to do or if she’d be able to stop herself.

“He’s finally sleeping,” David’s presence suddenly beside her made her jump – so wrapped up in Henry and silently swearing a curse on Rumple’s existence if his potion didn’t help – that she didn’t hear him approach. “You can probably go now.”

Regina turned to him, affronted by the suggestion that she leave while her son was clearly in turmoil. They weren’t getting along as swimmingly as they used to, when things were simpler and Henry’s entire world revolved around her. But she was still his mother and even though his words scolded, his eyes told her that the hate he spoke of veiled the deeper-set, more unconditional affection. The unconscious title of _‘Mom’_ he hadn’t been able to shake, was testament to that.

“I won’t go, not while he’s like this.”

David turned to her, looking down into her eyes and noticing something he rarely saw; just how small Regina was. It wasn’t often that he saw the real, raw Regina and he knew it was even less often that the people she ruled saw her as she truly was; but in this moment where her devotion to her son was paramount and the air of the Evil Queen had all but evaporated; the guise of the Evil Queen and her bombastic presence was replaced by a glassy-eyed mother who wanted nothing more than to sit by her son’s bedside and soothe his dreams with gentle caresses.

David didn’t quite know how to handle it. He was so used to her having him by the throat, her eyes dark and unfeeling that he’d grown accustomed to straightening his shoulders and treating her to a sharp response or stiff defiance. This Regina was different, though; and for all her past cruelties he worried that this small Regina, this _human_ Regina, could possibly do more damage if kept apart from what she wanted most.

He knew more about her past than most and was even starting to believe that he knew more about her than even Snow did, considering the events of the past few weeks. He’d seen more of Regina than the rest of the world and wondered – and couldn’t quite decide – if that was a privilege or another of her curses.

“Okay,” He breathed, unsure if she’d hypnotized him but comfortable in the knowledge that even if it was a trick, the last person Regina would ever wish to harm, was Henry. In all honesty, he knew letting her stay with Henry was the safest mistake to make. But he knew he couldn’t sit with her all night, it didn’t feel right to sit vigil over his Grandson, in the confines of Snow’s home – where she’d lived with their daughter – by the side of the one who locked them up in their prison.

As much as he was starting to understand Regina, he still couldn’t bring himself to forgive her.

“You’ll be alright to watch over him, if I go on patrol?”

For a moment her eyes lit up and he knew she was brilliant enough to recognize an olive branch when she saw one and smart enough to take it without question. She just nodded her head slowly – and he ignored the tears that welled in her eyes – and silently they agreed. David headed for the door, pulling on his coat as he stepped through it and closed it behind him, leaving Regina at the foot of her son’s bed, watching him toss and turn. 

**

Henry woke with a start. He’d seen the woman in his dream, he’d heard her voice and when he’d reached out to grab her hand, he’d heard her cry her name. _Aurora_ she’d said it was and he’d told her who he was. He wasn’t sure who she was, or why she was in his dream, but Mr. Gold’s necklace had helped him to understand that he could control that world and he could clearly see that Aurora was the same woman he’d seen every time he went there.

He shook his head to rid himself of the image as best he could. She was so frightened that she’d struggled to tell him more than her name, so he tried to forget about it for now; he hoped that when he left that place, she wasn’t forced to stay. But he knew thinking about that was only going to make matters worse.

Looking around the room, Henry struggled to see through the darkness; the only light was coming in from the street, and it was shining past him onto the small lounge chair that rested by the wall. It surprised him then, to see the chair occupied and suddenly reminded him of when he was almost six and she’d sat by his bedside for three days when he’d had a fever that just wouldn’t break. She was curled up in a ball, her feet tucked up beneath her. Henry could see her high heels lying haphazardly on the ground and her head was rested on a pile of cushions she’d stacked on the arm of the chair. She was still in one of those pressed business suits she always wore, her hair immaculate even though it was spread over the cushion.

He found himself smiling despite himself, not really sure where the smile came from except maybe from memories of warm milk in the middle of the night, bedtime stories of The Little Engine and her world-famous lasagne.

“Mom,” He whispered; a part of him hoping she’d hear him and a part of him wishing she’d stay just the way she was. If she didn’t wake, she could remain the image of his mother; perfect, pristine, untainted by the glare of the Evil Queen behind her eyes.

“Henry,” She sighed, her voice still sleepy as she unfolded herself from the chair and moved over to sit on the edge of the bed. “Did you have the nightmare again?”

“Yeah,” He nodded, this time not flinching when she took his hand and caressed it with her thumb.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Henry shook his head, instead just watching both of her hands holding one of his and for a moment, really wondering what it was that made her tick. She wanted him to be safe, of that he knew and even if he doubted sometimes that she loved him, she said it enough to make him wonder. Ultimately, if she was being honest, it was true that she didn’t know how to love very well. But it was moments like this one, where she held his hands and the dark make-up around her eyes was muted by the moonlight that he truly believed that she could.

“Can I ask you a question?” He looked up into her eyes and saw her swallow, but she made herself smile gently and nodded her head. “That man in the stable,”

“Daniel,” She added for him and Henry nodded.

“Who was he?”

Regina let go of his hand, slipping off the bed so that she knelt on the floor. Her arms stretched out across the bed, her fingers replacing the back of his knuckles with a worn tassel on the edge of Mary-Margaret’s quilt. She looked down at her hands, twisting the small strings between her fingers as she pondered how to answer.

“I suppose, the best way to explain it would be – if he’d been alive when I cast the curse,” He noticed her swallow again, over the words. “He’d have been your father.”

“You loved him?”

Regina looked up suddenly, her new position on the ground forcing the moonlight to shine directly on her face and Henry could see the tears in her dark eyes. It made them glisten and as her lips quivered, he wondered how much he couldn’t understand. He was only ten years old, what did he know?

“I did,” She choked, her voice cracking to little more than a whisper. “More than anything.”

“What happened to him?”

She pressed her lips into a thin line, glancing down at her hands again before taking a deep breath. “My mother,” She sighed ironically, shrugging her shoulders as though she was admitting something to herself to which Henry wasn’t entirely privy. “She didn’t want us to be together. She wanted me to marry Snow’s father,” She looked up at him. “She thought she knew what was best for me.”

Realization dawned in Henry’s eyes. He knew there was more to it, because he knew there were parts of the story that there was simply no way he’d understand. He’d have to live another decade or so, shoulder a few more experiences and have his heart broken at least once, before he could truly grasp the gravity of her expression. But he was slowly understanding something about her that he hadn’t let himself see before; she was fighting becoming the monster that had broken her.

“She kept you prisoner?”

“We were going to run away together; we were going to be married.” She nodded, but she didn’t answer the question. “My love was betrayed and she killed him the night we’d planned to get away.”

“Betrayed?”

“It doesn’t matter, Henry.” Regina looked away, turning her eyes to the ground but Henry reached for her wrist, wrapping his small fingers around it.

“Yeah, it does. I want to know why they’re all afraid of you.” He blinked when she looked back into his eyes. “I’ve read the stories and I’ve seen what you’re capable of. But I’ve also lived with you for ten years and I know that not all your laughter is evil.” Henry sighed. “You kept telling me that there are always two sides to every story, but only the victors ever get their say. If you really want me to understand, if you want me to believe that you love me, you have to tell me. I’m not five anymore, I can take it.”

“I,” Regina took a deep breath, realizing that avoiding Henry’s gaze wasn’t going to shield him or her from the hurt. “Daniel and I were a secret; we knew that my mother wouldn’t understand.”

“But doesn’t everyone in the enchanted forest believe in true love?”

Regina found herself smiling at his innocence, glad that her detached affection over the course of his life hadn’t hindered his ability to dream. “My mother believed that love was weakness. I’ve never known why but I’ve believed, for a long time, that her heart must have been broken. I know now what it feels like and that emptiness, Henry,” She sighed. “It takes over you and sometimes you can’t control it. Anyway, Daniel and I swore that we wouldn’t tell, that we’d just run away and we’d be free. But Snow saw us together, the night her father proposed to me.”

“That’s why you hate her, isn’t it? That’s why you want to kill her. She told on you, didn’t she?” Henry was smart, Regina knew that, and she knew that his comments didn’t mean to hurt. But they burned her from the inside out; that he could believe her to be so cruel. It didn’t help that looking into her past, the things she’d done, she knew that he was right.

“I never wanted to kill her, Henry.”

“But you threatened her, you set her up.”

A tear came to Regina’s eye; the realization of Henry having seen all that she’d done, in Storybrooke and in the stories in his book. She was terrified of knowing what he must see when he looks at her. She knows that he doesn’t fear her, he has no reason to. But he fears for everyone else in the town, the people she’s dedicated her existence to punishing. 

“I just wanted her to know how she’d made me feel. Daniel was,” She choked on a sob; looking up into his eyes with tears trickling down her cheeks. “I need you to understand, Henry.” Regina reached for his hands, clasping them within her own as she raised herself up on her knees. “I never wanted to be this. I need you to understand that all I ever wanted was Daniel. They took him away from me and I know that the things I’ve done are horrible. Some of them I even regret. But how can I regret the one thing I did, that brought me you?”

“You banished everyone to this world, you split up families, and you made them all forget who they were.”

“But,” She licked her lips, trying to smile. “But do you remember when you were little and you were scared, I held you in my arms and I sang a song that my father used to sing to me?” Regina’s voice hitched. “And you used to smile at me and you believed me when I told you everything was going to be alright.”

Henry stared at her, silent, for a long time before he took a long, deep breath. “That doesn’t make the things you did okay.”

“No,” She shook her head. “No it doesn’t, but I wouldn’t change it.” Henry turned away from her sharply, craning his neck to avoid meeting her eye. But Regina needed him to understand. She scrambled up onto the bed, reached out to press her palms to his cheeks and turn him back to see her. “No, Henry, you need to see. All this I’ve done, it’s bad, I understand that. I need to stop using magic and I’m trying,” She breathed. “I’m trying so hard.”

He studied her carefully, his face impassive but his eyes open.

“I wouldn’t take it back, even if I could.” He tried to turn away again, but she wouldn’t let him. “But Henry, I can do everything in my power to make it better. If that’s what you want.”

“You would do that, for me?”

Regina smiled broadly through her tears, brushing her thumb across his cheek. Unconsciously his hands had gripped her elbows and she was so close she could wrap her arms around him if he let her. “I would do anything for you, Henry. Just let me prove it.”

“You’d even help get Mary-Margaret and Emma back?”

Regina swallowed back the bitter taste in her mouth at hearing the name of Snow’s alter-ego. Her eyes twitched, but she held her ground, biting her tongue and making sure that she showed Henry how badly she wanted to be redeemed in his eyes. She couldn’t deny the still raw anger that bubbled up when she thought about all they’d done to her; her mother, Snow, Rumpelstiltskin – the long line of cons and bastards that had taken her for a fool – but she contained herself and fought the pain by looking into her son’s eyes.

“If that’s what you want.”

Tears had formed in Henry’s eyes too, his small fingers gripping her elbows so tightly now, she could feel his nails through her blouse. “Okay,” He choked, smiling up at her. Suddenly, before he could change his mind or turn away from her again, Regina wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into an embrace. To her surprise, he crawled into her lap, hugging her back just as tightly as she remembered he used to when he was smaller; when he didn’t know about the fairytales and curses and Evil Queens that turned out to be his mother.

She hugged him tighter, pressing her lips to the top of his head as he nuzzled his face into her shoulder. It helped her remember what loving Daniel had been like; that she’d never really been free until Henry had wrapped his tiny hand around her finger and pulled it into his mouth, until he’d taken his first steps, until he’d written his name on his own for the first time.

This was what it was like to truly be free. And she was going to fight for it.

The End.


End file.
